What? I can't hear you...

Guys, baby life is hard.

I owe a giant thank you to my mom for pushing me to put Beck on a schedule! "It's the only way you're going to survive and get sleep!" At two weeks old I thought eh, there's time to do that later, but mothers know best so I listened to mine haha.
From day one Beck was eating every three hours (or at least trying to - revert back to previous post). The schedule is eat, wake, sleep, in what ever time increments as long as it stays in that order. No snack feeds, no cat naps. Eat, wake, sleep! And guess what, he slept the whole night through, 10pm-7am at 7 weeks old ;) Thanks mom, you're always right haha.

 I think it's adorable when he holds on to Woody. 

After about two more weeks we moved to every four hours and that seems to be working. If Beck is asleep we start the day at 7 or 7:30 no matter what. So yes, I wake a sleeping baby plenty of times a day.  Eat (every four hours), play, then nap. Until 10pm and that feeding is eat in dimmed lighting, quiet room and straight to bed. That's my favorite feeding. no matter what happened all day or the night before, this part works like a charm and he is out like a light. For a while he would wake up around 3am to eat but its dark, we don't talk, and it's from a bottle so I know he ate and am not trying to keep him awake on the boob! But that's it, between 10pm and 7am just one silent feed and back to bed (minus two insane nights, err.. mornings).

For the last three or so weeks, he's been sleeping through the night except two nights. But that's pretty good. I'm still not sold that this is set in so I naturally wake up between 3 and 4 kind of waiting for him to wake up. A couple times I thought he was going to so I heated up the milk (I pump and he eats from a bottle for his night feeds) but he never woke up! So sad every time I dump my 5oz of hard work down the sink. But hey, remember when I had no milk at all?! Look at me now - pumping and dumping haha.

Tummy time!

Okay, before you mommas get mad at me or compare "but my baby hasn't slept through the night and he/she is one" don't worry. Unlike most social media where people post only the happy things and you think their life is fantastic, I'm here to give you real life. So yes, he has a schedule, night time is great, I always know when it's a hungry cry or tired cry, but that's it. Everything else is insane and sometimes I think he's Satan's child. (Obviously kidding, no need to call cps on me)

Beck screams and cries and like all the time, hence the title. Everyone is always saying "what? I can't hear you..."  It seems like he nevvverrr sleeps. Yes, he sleeps at night. 8 1/2hrs is not good enough for a baby. He eats, we play, then he gets grumpy and tired and wants to sleep. BUT, it's never that simple. Holy crap this kid does NOT know how to self sooth, not even a smidge. He wants to be swaddled and bounced and tapped on the butt and have his eyes covered, oh and don't forget to walk around - heaven forbid you want to sit down! The yoga ball works wonders too.
After all of that, he sleeps in his crib, but usually an hour later will wake up. His little eyes are so tired but he just can't sleep. Sometimes he will go back to sleep but only if I hold him and rock him for exactly 40min, no less. Some nap times I don't do that though because, well I just don't want to or there's other things that need to get done. After that if he does fall asleep, it's 30min before it's time to eat again and if I don't go get him, he wakes up on his own because he knows it's food time!

Beck has a little colic and a lot of acid reflux. Like forget the burp cloth and grab 2 towels. One for your shoulder and one for the floor! I'm pretty sure that's what wakes him up because he will either puke a little or burp right after that hour nap. Poor guy, so much discomfort. It's hard to remember that he's just hurting because all you're thinking is OMG kid! Why are you screaming and screaming!? What do you wanttttt!?? (Followed by frustrated mom tears)
Little Beckham doesn't like his carseat, can't sleep in it (he has 3 times), can't sit quietly and calm in it whether we are inside or in the car. He used to do well in it while being pushed in the stroller, now we try to just not go places or just listen to him scream until we get there.. literally. Since starting him on baby zantac for the reflux, he seems to be doing better in the car.

Had to get a picture for proof!

Hmm, what else... Some times when I've just gotten him to sleep I have to sneeze and that's the worst. Or I'll get him to fall asleep but he wakes up if I put him down, so finally getting him asleep enough for me to sit in the rocking chair, my arm starts to get all numb and tingly being trapped between his head and the arm rest. He likes to be held, all the time :/ but sometimes I just need to pee! A few days ago was nuts. Besides giving up and putting him in the baby sling so I could pee, (yes that happened..) from 6:50am - 9pm Beck slept 2 hours (not consistent) and was so pissed the whole day. For what ever reason, he could not fall/stay asleep so he was literally just awake all day and not happy one bit. Hard day. It showed though; this morning after he ate we went ran a couple errands, came home, did the whole dance to get Beck to sleep, ate lunch and then realized my pants had been on inside out all day hahah. Luckily they were just like workout capris so maybe not too noticeable.

Of all the craziness, he's still cute and I'm grateful for all of Matt's help and my mom breaks so I can miss him after all of it! Beck learned to laugh the other day and oh my goodness it's the cutest thing and a nice happy break from the screaming ;) Some days he will get a nice 3hour afternoon nap and stick to the actual schedule, that's how I find time to "keep up" here.
He still loves a party, and does wonderful when there's lots of people and noise. It's hard to get the house that way. But when we go to gatherings, it blows my mind and I'm like "who's kid is this?!" I will see people hold him just walking around doing whatever and he just falls asleep.. just like that. No swaddle, no bink, nothing. For the life of me, he will not do that for Matt and I. Anyway, it's been an adventure I'll say.

Of course, I typed this and then a week later he did it. smh..

As far as my own "mom life" there are for sure moments where I get overwhelmed but even in those moments I know this is what I want to be doing. I take it one day at a time and just remind myself that I will never get that day back and tomorrow he will be older and bigger.
I love sandwiches these days, they are simple, easy, quick, and always there! Perfect lunch ;) Just got new shoes for my birthday and a jogging stroller, started going to zumba, and trying to eat healthier. Eventually my pants will button comfortably haha. Life with ...a lot... of stretch marks is hard. No matter how much exercise is done its hard to see past all of those big lines! Another weird thing is the hair loss. I literally have bald spots near my temples haha so I 'm usually wearing a headband to cover! Matt likes to call me Lebron.
I feel like I spend too much time pumping but I'm so traumatized from the three times I had no milk, I just want to have stock pile in case I lose it again! I pump after every feeding. After what ever Beck eats, I pump an additional 20oz a day. Needless to say, our freezer is out of space three months later.

 literally full of milk...

On Saturday I had a really cool night. My mom came and stayed the night with Beckham, and I went on a ride along with Matt. It was awesome. The night wasn't too busy but still got to see a lot and hang out with my favorite person. I even had hours at a time where I forgot I had child. Haha it was a fun break and he was that much cuter when I saw him Sunday morning. Crap was that a tired day haha. Anyway, I'm grateful for the help from everyone, Matt has been a terrific husband and father! People have asked if it's hard being a mom with his schedule or seem to make him feel bad when they ask who gets up with Beck at night (not that he's usually up these days), but obviously Matt doesn't because he's working. But I always want to let them know what his off days are like the whole day! He is so helpful and sweet to us both. Whether it's me having the meltdown or Beck, he is always able to calm us down and keep a clear mind and happy heart. He plays with Beck, feeds him, and seems like he's always washing bottles and pump stuff, tossing out diapers, the whole shebang! Though there are the hard times where I might feel jealous that I can't just relax and hang out even when other people have the baby, always listening for his cry, being on the mom clock 24/7, i think all of that just comes with being a mom and it does make my breaks more refreshing when I get them haha. I feel so fortunate to have a helpful loving husband and that I have a handful of people I feel comfortable leaving Beck with and for this new journey I'm on. It's what I've always wanted to do and I'm so happy Matt's able to let me have it this way!

 Beckham is obsessed with his head. Especially when he eats, can't keep those hands down!

His medicine seems to help him like his car seat for short spurts.

p.s. he has a cute happy face here, but the backside of this social media facade - 20 min prior he pooped so much it oozed out of his diaper, up his back, all over the car seat, and on my leg.. and arm.. and hands... while we are at the mall haha. Needless to say, how do you like Beck's new shirt we had to buy?

Part 2: The real stuff

I should've written this when it was more fresh in my mind. I realize after having Beck I can really only remember about 5 days back from what ever day it is haha. Besides certain parts of certain days, I have my little notes to help me remember what happened and what to write about!

   *Disclaimer: This post will contain TMI, so if you don't want to know, don't keep reading.

From the beginning, breastfeeding has been a nightmare. Besides Beckham being born tongue tied - my milk took four days to actually come in ...and then it was gone the next day! That alone was a crazy emotional roller coaster. I was producing some milk so I didn't want to give up like it was never going to  happen. (Plus formula is so expensive I would've had to get a job lol) So I just kept trying. A friend suggested lactation cookies and I'd heard of taking fenugreek pills, so we did both! Matt stayed up till 2am trying to make me these darn cookies. one of the ingredients is brewers yeast, which is actually a pill and we don't have a blender so Matt used the ice cream scoop and spent an hour just trying to smash them into powder! Eventually the cookies were made and besides being delicious, along with the fenugreek, they totally worked.
Needless to say, it was stressful. But stressing meant no milk which meant more stressing.

[Dad & Beck hanging out]

The next hurdle was sleep and eating. Along with not stressing, I need to get rest and food in order to produce milk, or keep what I had going. However if I was nursing 20min each side, then burping, diaper change, pumping, and rocking Beck to sleep.. that left a pinch of time to pick one. Was I going to eat, sleep, or shower?
I've learned that once you have a baby, you also have cold food. By the time you heat up or cook what ever it is you're going to eat, usually something baby related happens, so by the time you eat it's totally cold haha but by this point you just don't care.

Speaking of not caring - I've noticed that since giving birth I totally don't care about anything anymore (privacy wise). In the last two weeks I have tried to regain some of the "mystery" but unfortunately not so much for my sister, mom, and Matt. I was on too many drugs and in too much pain to move or get up. So if the kid had to eat well he at. And if you didn't want to see that or see me pump, then one of us has to leave the room and it's not me haha. If Beck spit up (in a bigger amount) or peed on me, well I lost my pants.
I guess after almost three days of a ton of random nurses coming in to see my top, and my bottom and my middle, and whatever they wanted basically.. I just lost all sense of caring. My first pp check up, I wasn't nervous at all about getting up on that table and being checked, BUT lucky for me (and probably the doctor) I didn't need to show off the downtown quite yet!

So now that we're on to the downtown.  Okay. First, let me just say, omg, that first poop has got to be the scariest thing. No one talks about things like this (probably because it's gross haha) so I'll be the one to share. I went to the hospital early Wednesday morning, so from then until Saturday afternoon it was all just in there! I had some family over and we were focusing on my gigantic feet and legs and getting compression socks on, and then all of a sudden I was like Oh no! NO! Ah I'm too scared! I need to go to the bathroom and I can't get there, and when I do, I don't want to poop!!!! But besides wanting to or not, it happens.  Wow, can I just say, other than feeling like your delivering a bowling ball, it smells. bad. I mean it makes sense, four days of being all trapped in there, yeah it's going to be bad.
I went to town spraying that numbing spray you get from the hospital. But besides all that, any regular bathroom trips were so long! You spray this bottle of warm water just to get through it and to avoid using extra toilet paper, all you can really do is "dab", and ps if you're going through this soon get some of those charmin wet wipes! ..and hemorrhoid cream, and stool softener, and those long pads. Yep, that all happens. I didn't know you could bleed from four places! I think the catheter went wrong somehow, because I was bleeding from there, where baby came through, from the stitches (episiotomy), and yes from my butt! It was... no fun.

But anyway, back to not caring about much. After having a baby, puke down your shirt, poop on your legs (baby poop this time haha), and pee on your hands.. and arms.. and the wall sometimes, none of that is as disgusting as I once would've thought. And about the cold food, sometimes it's because there's so much going on every time you think you're going to take a bite, and sometimes you just want to keep that cute little guy in your arms, because who can resist this!?

 [My mom gets the best smiles from him]    

For about two weeks after birth I was all of a sudden ridiculously swollen. I went the whole pregnancy without swelling ( in my feet anyway, everything else blew up! haha) and just like that, the day I got home my legs were so full I was literally afraid my ankles were going to pop open and spill all this fluid everywhere! Even my lips were swollen, it was the weirdest thing.
I feel like the pictures don't even do them justice.

The first week home I was feeling sad like I missed out on "bonding" with Beck. I thought maybe I should've held him first in the hospital rather than almost an hour later. But at the time My thoughts were, "Stay cool, you get to have him forever and later when everyone else has to leave so just let everyone take their turn and just wait." and I was fine then. I was even fine when I had that same mentality at home. We are super fortunate to have had lots of visitors and help, and I did the same thing, "just be cool, let whoever wants to hold him hold him for however long they want." So to distract myself from being one of those moms I'd seen so many times before, you know who freak out at any move or don't "share" baby. I would try and hobble around and clean things or be in a different room than Beck so I wouldn't be over protective, or had to just tell myself "They all raised multiple kids who have all turned out fine, if anything they can do whatever I was trying to do better!"
But then his baby breath was gone.. And then he would spend all of his cute open eyed awake time with visitors and not me and that got me as well. So I felt like I had missed out on all of that and I couldn't help but cry. However thinking back on this now (at almost 6 weeks postpartum) I feel silly and dramatic. I think I just had too many emotions going on haha.
Another thing that contributed was when I did get him it was because he was hungry and I'm the only one who could feed him since I come with the boobs! But since I didn't really have much milk he would still cry after he ate half the time. I felt like he hated and me and it was because we hadn't bonded. Turns out I just needed more food for him!!!!

My tip to any future moms, read breastfeeding books and first year development books BEFORE your baby comes. That What to expect when you're expecting book is great and all during pregnancy but then bam! the kid is out and you're like shoot I only read about pregnancy and now I hardly have time to Google things let alone read a book! The other thing is TAKE THE HELP! Let people help you when they offer. Cooking, cleaning, changing a diaper, bringing food, running errands.. just say yes!
I'm sure there's more that I just can't remember, but for now I think I've shared what I didn't know before birth!
It's fun and exhausting and exciting and scary and happy, babies are a weird new adjustment but in the end you get a cute little person that is half you and half the person you love most.

Beck is now over a month old (5 weeks 4 days), and no longer fits in his newborn clothes or newborn diapers! He is at a healthy weight and in the 99th percentile for his height! Poor kid, Matt says Beck is going to have a hard time finding clothes that fit just like he did until about his junior year of high school! So far that holds to be true. Beckham is too tall for newborn clothes but too skinny for 3mo and some 0-3. Or there's those things that fit but the footies are too small for my giant (and now bald) child.

      

Link to his birth-day slide show in case you missed it! https://youtu.be/iR-QartuUFQ

Part 1: Birth Story

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

It's 1:15am and I am wide awake from the contractions that shockingly wake me up every little bit. My induction is scheduled for 4:30am and I am supposed to call at 2:30am to make sure my bed is still reserved. At this point I decided to just stay awake, it was easier to expect the little contractions than try to sleep through them. (p.s. at that point I didn't think they were that little but after having gone through the REAL contractions... those were cake)
So Matt and I get to the hospital, check in, I am 0% effaced and dilated almost to 2, they start me on some prostaglandin gels to help induce labor and get things going.
 Basically it's this tube of gel that they.. well "give you".. and it makes your contractions worse. When I got the first dose (of three) I didn't have the pain yet but I was freaking out because it was going to happen and the nurse said it would make whatever I was feeling progressively worse. Man did that freak me out. By the third dose, I don't remember anything. At noon I was given an IV of stadol, not so much a pain reliever, it's more of a make you confused, loopy, and out of it drug. It made me basically pass out until each contraction started coming again. Or at least that's what I thought. I'm told I was like "sleep anger" passed out but still saying mean things  ? haha  By 12:45 I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced with contractions every 2-3min.
 I only know some details from the recap my mom and Matt gave me. My mom came to the hospital around 11am. They told me my eyes would get wide as they could and I looked like I was going to kill someone and I'd grab on to whatever was near me and start yelling "No! No! It's coming, I don't want it!!!" (those contractions were so painful, I do remember that haha). Apparently at some point I was yelling that my butt hurt and why does my butt hurt!? It freaking hurts!!!!! Why does my butt hurt??!!!! Turns out I was having back labor I guess ...? I don't know, I don't remember any of that happening.
Eventually the contractions and pain got so bad I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it through. I was literally thinking in my head, ok this is it. I'm dying now because my body can't handle anymore pain. I think at this point the other drugs wore off because I remember being wheeled into the room and screaming because of the pain. Then feeling bad in because other people around me in the other rooms could probably hear me and I didn't mean to disturb anyone. Haha it was uncontrollable. At 12:20 I got "the stuff." Big ol' needle in my back, I could care less. Nothing compared to those contractions. As I felt it poke in my spine I was more grossed out than feeling the pain, but like I said, those contractions were just so awful nothing compares. They just sucked so bad!

By 4pm I was dilated to an 8. We were all thinking I might be able to do this without pitocin. At this point I was happy and pain free. There were jokes and laughs, other than all of us being a little exhausted, everything was good. By 8pm I hadn't progressed, so I was given the pitocin. An hour later the doctor came and broke my water since it still wouldn't go on its own.
I was still doing fine and not in pain, but whenever I would feel pressure I would start having panic attacks! I must've been traumatized from the contractions earlier, they all start with some cramp like pressure and then BAM! Pain. Although after being reminded to calm the freak down and breath, I was fine ;) Also this was happening while the epidural dispenser was beeping because it was about to run out and I was so afraid to feel the pain. I was literally just so scared! The guy came in to try and replace it with a new cartridge and he went through about seven different ones because for some reason it just wasn't working, therefore only getting me more and more nervous. I was crying and freaking out, haha not because I was in pain, but because I was only getting closer to feeling my legs! Eventually it worked and I got some more of the good stuff.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Around midnight, maybe a little before, they had me start pushing. At this point it was all still fun and games, we were joking and laughing with the nurses in between pushes. I was bribing myself with a Dr. Pepper and lemons, when it was all over, the harder I'd push.
Eventually baby's heart rate was dropping too much and they had to get him out. I ended up tearing a little on the inside, being cut, and they used the vacuum. Turns out the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. ..a few times. Oops! But by 1:26am Beckham Chauncey Loper was out, safe, healthy, and huge haha. 8lbs 12oz.  21 1/4in long.

Wow. Birth is a weird thing.
I knew there was a baby inside of me, a little person.. but for some reason I was so... shocked, I guess you could say, when he came out and they put him on me. He was all of a sudden just placed on my stomach, and I was not expecting it. Looking back now, I don't know what I was expecting, maybe something more calm and someone is like hey, would you like to hold him? Instead, there's all of a sudden a warm, gooey, bloody, small person on me and my first reaction was like ah!, woah, what the heck, oh hey look, baby. haha lot's of thoughts and emotions, and I'm sure my face matched all of them.

While he was getting all cleaned up and passed around, and whatever else was going on, I was definitely starting to feel the pain. I didn't know what was going on around me or to Beck or what was happening, but I was starting to be able to feel the doctor stitching me up and the excruciating pain in my hip all of a sudden. I think while everything was numb and all of the times I was flipped back and fourth earlier trying to get labor going, something happened to my hip and I was now starting to feel all of the after effect from just being floppy and my legs/hips being moved however someone put them each time.
Eventually all was good and pain meds distracted me, someone brought me a sandwich and water, and Layla and Britt brought me that Dr.p with lemons I was working for haha.

By noon I had slept for about 1.5hrs (interrupted) in the past 36 hours. Needless to say, a lot of this was a blur and I'm mostly getting the details from the text updates my mom was sending out!

Friday, June 12, 2015

By now, splitting hospital meals sucked for everyone haha. Luckily it was a bigger breakfast, but I think Matt and I were ready for real meals.
Beck was circumcised that afternoon and did great, so I was told.
Around 4:30pm we started packing up (aka: anything we were allowed to take from the hospital) and were on our way home!

*** (Link to a slide show of his birth-day) https://youtu.be/iR-QartuUFQ

Part 2, with the more interesting things that happened and all the "real" stuff, soon to come...

Baby Shower

A few weeks late but that's ok ;) 

Quick post: Saturday, May 2nd, I had a baby shower and it was fantastic. So grateful for my mom and many other family members who helped put it together! There was a great turn out and I pretty much got everything I needed.
I had fun making the invites and all the little decorations for the shower. I tried my best to make it airplane themed haha but I'm how obvious it was or wasn't.

I had fun making all the little crafts, from the cloud cut outs, to the edible airplanes, and all the little paper card things. My favorite would probably have to be the sign in the doughnuts that says "Flotation Devices" and the drinks label that says "Jet Fuel" ha I make myself laugh. So clever.

This baby is sponsored by...

You know all of those commercials  where the announcer says this "blah blah" is brought to you and sponsored by State Farm! or Circle K! it's always something. Well I figured our baby needed a "sponsored by" shout out haha. Matt and I have been so fortunate in all things baby. There has been so much help from people here and there but my biggest shout out and thank you goes to Jacqui and Valerie. Jax gave us the whole nursery basically. Griffin's crib, change table/dresser, change pad, bedding, some of the wall decorations (including the layout haha), and more that my brain just can't think of right now. My cousin Valerie has also been a huge help letting me borrow basically all of her baby stuff and anything I ask for! Clothes, both maternity and baby, boppy, breast pump, bassinet, moby wrap, the car seat cover pieces and lots of other things.
It really has been a blessing to have all of this help, as well as here and there from others that I didn't mention but really do appreciate it and you! We really do feel blessed and are very thankful.

Yes. We finally decided on a name. - Beckham Chauncey Loper
Beckham was a name both Matt and I liked before we were even thinking of starting to have kids. Like I mentioned before, whatever the first boys name was, his middle name had to be Chauncey, just like Matt and his dad, grandpa, etc. and Beck/Beckham seemed to go nicely.
Eventually the name started to sound weird, you know when you say something so many times it just doesn't sound natural? (Try saying apple like 20 times in a row... it starts to sound weird) That's what happened, and all the other names we thought of just didn't fit either, ha but that's probably because we had been calling him Jershaun for so long!
So there I was at Hobby Lobby, these rusty looking letters were 50% off and I was going to get them! I laid out "Beck" and "Tade" (Taden) and the colors of Beck were better so tah-dah, name picked!

 (I know, the mattress isn't in there yet) The closet is fun, there are two rods for clothing and that shelf which was nice for the storage baskets! the inside of the closet also has some shelves (behind the letters C and K) which are also nice for storage. The picture on the wall is actually a page from an old magazine from like 1940, that I found on ebay! I though it was cool and kind of went with the vintage cars and planes theme.

This glider was a super awesome find. this woman was selling it for $40 and it totally looks new, especially for the cream color! The canvas there is just something I painted, it doesn't really go with the room but that's okay. Haha I spent the time to paint it, so we're just going to pretend it goes.

These are little clothing size dividers I made. It was so simple! I just got A few wooden O's from Hobby Lobby, painted them white, picked out some fun paper, and used matte mod-podge to get them together! Now all I'm missing are the sizes (well and the clothes to go between them haha). I need to find number stickers (0-3, 3-6, etc) and then I'll do one more coat of mod-podge.

Here are just a few more pictures of the nursery.

This wall of decorations is what took forever to finally get up on the wall, therefore keeping this blog post of the nursery/name from all of you -I know, I know, because you care so much!

That empty spot will eventually be filled, I just haven't found the right piece yet! Hopefully the next time we go up to Flagstaff I'll find some sort of old Route 66 type sign.


As far as all things pregnancy goes, everything is normal, I'm 36 weeks tomorrow and have started my weekly doctor visits. I finally per-registered at the hospital yesterday!
My wedding ring and shoes still fit (Hah, probably because all of the "swelling" keeps going to my boobs). 

Getting out of bed to pee so often is a little difficult, just with all the pillows and the rolling and the getting up. But other than that, and the really heavy front weight, I'd say personally the third trimester is not all that bad. Everyone warned me of how bad it was but nothing has been as bad as those first 13 or so weeks!
I have mostly what needs to be in my hospital bag, just haven't packed it yet. I'm waiting until after the shower, which is THIS WEEK!

Hope to see you all Saturday, if you never got me your address, lost your invite, never saw my posts about mailing out invites, and you need the address just call/text/fb message me and I'll get you the info!

Oh, and Lewis is enjoying the nursery too!

 He surprisingly loves to hang out in the crib and on the footstool of the glider. He's kind of funny, I'll find him just wonder into the nursery and just stand there and look around. I think he knows something is coming/changing, and that it has something to do with this room, but he isn't quite sure why we keep hanging out in there haha.

Literally shopped till I dropped

What a week. It all started with a rash. Since about December I thought I had heat rash under my boobs (it gets toasty in there haha) and the occasional small couple of spots on my sides, stomach, back, and my shoulder at one point. But then a pretty big spot showed up on my neck, and continued to get bigger, then had a darker color "ring" around it and I was like crap. I'm dying. or I have ring worm. After much Googling it was neither ring worm or death approaching, but what it did sound like was PUPPPs, this like crazy not common pregnancy thing where you're allergic to the male hormones in your baby. I had a little bit of a rash and it was itchy and irritating and Google told me to take an oatmeal bath.
So it's Saturday evening and it took everything I had to get some pants on and get in the car. I just HAD to get to Lush so I could get some skin soothing/oatmeal bath stuff. I made it there and back, had a bath, it worked, no more itch.

Now on to Monday, I just assumed it had been a long weekend and didn't think much about how "exhausted" I was Saturday. But then it also took just as much dreaded effort to get ready and get in the car on this particular morning. I was planning on making a trip out to Last Chance. I was hoping to find a robe for the hospital or one of those sleep dresses that your nana wears, you know the one with flowers all over and looks like a sheet, a diaper bag, and slippers. After much convincing I made it in the car, drove two minutes and got on the freeway and I realized, "wow... this takes so much effort to push the  gas pedal... I don't want to do it for 30 more minutes. Maybe I'll just get off at the next exit and go home." And that's what I did. I've just been feeling so tired and lazy, like I just have no desire to do anything that is more than 20 steps away. I then decided that this must just be what happens in the third trimester, I'm 33 weeks so yeah it's ok that I have like no energy at all.

But here comes Tuesday, and yet again I convinced myself that I had to go to last chance and get these things done and purchased. So that's what I did. It's a mad house in there. I was there for maybe 10 min and I was like omgosh I don't feel well. I started having weird cramps on my lower stomach area, I wanted water and boy did I want to just sit somewhere, but that's impossible in there. I found a front button down sleeping shirt and stood in line for the fitting room because I knew there was a seat in there. I pushed myself so hard to stay standing and make it into the fitting room, but all along I'm thinking oh gosh I might pass out right now, oh gosh get me in there!!! I made it in the room and just sat there for a while. I considered asking for help or maybe someone could get me water, but I thought it would just be weird and I could push through it and make it out alive. (bad idea)

I stood in line, luckily it was short, and made it to the escalator (Last Chance is in a basement, which I why I never left and came back... because I knew I wasn't going to go back down the stairs!), then dragged myself to this little cafe kiosk, basically holding myself on the counter, barley was able to ask for a bottle of water! The whole time I keep telling myself, "Just a few more steps and you'll be at the top!" "Just a few more steps and she'll give you a water bottle! - Don't pass out!!! Don't cause a scene Ande!" I got my water and made it to the nearest table  and chair.I started freaking out a little because I didn't know what was going on, I wasn't sure I could make it ALL THE WAY to the door (which wasn't even far), and if I did, what would I do, drive?! yeah right. I just felt exhausted, like I pushed myself too hard at the end of a work out and my body was done... except I didn't work out. All I did that day was drive there and walk inside haha.
So after gathering the energy to get the phone to my ear, I called my mom thinking mom's always know how to fix things, maybe I'm just supposed to eat a banana or a pretzel or something. Either way I thought oh she'll know how to fix me!
But instead I panicked her, which panicked me! I was hoping she would tell me oh you're ok just do/get/eat this. So her school resource officer and my mom leave her classroom, jump in his squad car and zoom over to the Last Chance (luckily it wasn't that far from her). By this point I felt a littler better because of the water and the chair, but ask me to walk to the door? hah yeah right, I was not going to make it. Officer B. called the paramedics to come check out my vitals.

The ambulance just showed up lights and all, so much for not causing a scene haha.

Silly, but I felt so embarrassed. there's this teary eyed pregnant lady, a cop, another woman who seems serious then makes jokes then back to serious, and now the fire department is coming in. Parked right out front with the lights on, they wheel in a bed (I'm thinking oh gosh what is going on), but it was just to hold all of the equipment. All of my numbers and whatnot came back normal but they suggested I go to the hospital.
I just didn't want to. If everything was "fine" then I was PROBABLY fine haha.

Eventually what happened was, I went to my doctors office instead of the hospital (it's a little cheaper and less dramatic that way). In the end it turns out I'm anemic and need to take an added iron pill. The doctor told me all of the blood pools in my legs and doesn't make it to my brain very well and if I feel like I'm going to pass out... I'm probably going to pass out so don't push myself again next time. But both baby and I are healthy and fine now so everything is on track for back to normal!
Oh and I asked about my weird rash and it turns out it is just eczema basically. Pregnancy does some weird stuff to you.

In other news: The baby shower invites are being sent, get me your address if you haven't already. Also, we finally picked a name! Stay tuned, I'll be posting that and pictures of the "mostly finished" nursery.

28 weeks

Oh Baby! So here's whats been going on around here lately:

Progress on the baby nursery? -no.
Progress on a baby name? -no.
Progress on purchasing big baby items? (want to guess this one...) -no.
Haha not much has been in "baby mode" here, we've mostly just been enjoying our last days together as just us (and Lewis). Although Matt was super helpful moving around the nursery furniture yesterday, and I mean like every ten minutes I'd ask him to move it again! The room is a cute and small square. I was having trouble figuring out where I wanted the crib and dresser/changing table, but also the invisible imaginary glider I may or may not have. After trying furniture in every way possible we finally figured out something that will work. Once I figure out a theme or color scheme then I'll actually do something with the room, and I'll post pictures when it's decorated!

A few weeks ago I went and registered at buy buy baby and target. Buy buy baby is actually a pretty cool store, they let you price match even things on amazon, they take comparators coupons, and I can return things on my registry for a year that my baby didn't like or adjust too. I would've probably only registered there but I figured since most people aren't familiar with it I would do target as well!
Matt and I had fun registering for all the books and toys and fun stuff, it was all the important stuff that got confusing haha. But we eased our minds by testing out all of the rocking chairs and gliders for a long while!

  As of now, the baby shower date is set for May 2nd,and it's stressing me out like no other! I was planning on waiting until after the baby shower to buy what I still need, set up and organize the nursery since I'll know what I have and how to store it, but there's no other Saturday that works with all of my family between now and then. Let's all pray that this baby does not come early!!!
I'll make a Facebook/instagram post soon asking for addresses for an invite, so keep an eye out for that post!

I had my glucose test last week ...and I failed. The highest level I can have is 140, and I was at 143. So I had to go back yesterday for a three hour test where I drink the nasty throat burning juice and get blood drawn four times! That was an adventure. But don't worry, I treated myself with a nice big sprite today to feel better ;)

 Does this Sprite make me look fat?

Sprite and lemons have still been my go to thing. I need lemon on and in everything. Matt and I had root-beer floats the other day and I refused mine till I got some lemon slices in there! And the bubbly sprite really helps the heartburn I get after I eat anything. But I guess that's why my blood sugar levels were a little high (oops). But I've been trying to make healthier decisions now and really cut back, like a lot.

On a completely different note, I've been having a hard time just being pregnant. I want to learn to enjoy this time and be grateful that I can. And I am so grateful that I've been blessed in so many ways, but I was just having a hard time because I feel no "connection." I can't figure out his name or how the nursery should be because it's like I'm decorating a room for a random un-named kid and I just don't know who he is. Then Matt and I "reconnected" with our friends and have been hanging out with them and we realized all of  that is going to quickly be leaving. I mean but that's what I wanted, I want to be a mom and start this part of lives, I was just having a panic evening haha.
But then one of those friends said something that gave me another side to look at. She said, although we aren't going to be going on cruises any time soon, or traveling to Europe, we're going to be having so many other firsts that all of them aren't going to be having. She said it's like we get to start over and have all of those firsts again, our first anniversary -with a baby, our first thanksgiving -with a baby, our first Christmas -with a baby, and so many other firsts and new experiences that our coming our way.
Later that night I saw a post on fb from one of my cousins and I really liked some of the things that were there. Although I don't have this crazy connection between me and this baby I'm growing, I am excited to meet him and just have him here in person so we can build that relationship. I know that being a mother is a great blessing and I am very grateful that God felt this was the right time for us and gave me this new coming responsibility.

Thomas S. Monson, a modern-day prophet, said, "One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one."

23 weeks

So far everything has been going smooth. I FINALLY felt some kicks about a week and a half ago.

Baby kicks feel like gas.

  (Sorry, you'll have to suffer through a couple awkward mirror selfies. Matt and I have been on opposite schedules so he hasn't been able to be my cell phone pregnant lady photographer lol)

I had been waiting to post next until Matt and I had decided on a name... but I thought that would've been like at most two weeks after we found out the gender. But here we are, still with an unnamed child. His middle name will be Chuancey, just like Matt and his dad, and his dad, and his dad's dad... you get it. So "Something" Chauncey Loper. 
For a while, before even getting pregnant we thought Beckham was a cool name, and call him Beck. It's still cool, but it just doesn't "feel" right. I'm not sure if any name will just be "the one." Is that how it happens? Did you just feel like the name fit?? 
So for now he has no name, but hopefully we come up with something soon so we stop calling him Jershaun. hahaha (Backstory: Matt for over a year now has referred to our future child as Jershaun because that would obviously mean he's good at basketball. But since being pregnant and not having a name haha we've just been using the name Jershaun. Now there is NO way that will be his name but man has it caught on lol).

 

As far as showing, I still mostly just felt fat and wasn't enjoying these last few months. There wasn't this magical connection between baby and I like everyone else seems to have, and I hadn't felt kicks and was already past 20 weeks, and I felt like no one could tell I was pregnant. But I think having popped out a little more and switching to maternity clothes has helped. Definitely pro maternity clothes! I don't know if they actually help me look pregnant or if I just feel that way but I'll take it! 
 (I tried that whole "look down at your stomach all motherly like it's beautiful", haha besides it being awkward, I couldn't see past my boobs anyway hahaha)
I still have no stretch marks on my stomach, although I do have some lion attack looking ones on my sides towards my back (you know, the "love handles/muffin top area), and then just a couple more dashes on my inner thighs. Haha my marks make me feel less crazy. I felt like I was getting wider like side to side, rather than bigger, like baby tummy coming out... and I'm going to have to say my marks prove that to be true. No?

The nursery has been coming together nicely. The room was already painted a dusty yellow, so that works. We have the crib and changing table/dresser, just need the mattress and changing pad. I'm really hoping to get a rocking chair or glider in there, seems like a good idea ;)  I've gotten a couple little outfits and I painted a canvas for his room. But as far as the nursery goes, that's about it!

Cravings haven't really been crazy. Nothing but Sprite or any "sparkly" drinks. This kid loves the bubbles. I've had tons of heartburn, with really anything I eat, and carbonation seems to help settle everything. The saddest moment was a few days ago when I went in the pantry to grab the last sprite can... and the box was EMPTY. It was a sad moment.

In other news: We have everything mostly unpacked and would love to see your faces! We are having a little housewarming party this Friday, at 6pm, come and go style! So if you feel like stopping by to say hi and check it out on the way to or from your Friday night plans please feel free!
(Message/text me if you need the address!)